There is a real irony around deadlines that often leave me stranded at crossroads. Normally, I find myself at this landmark slouching against a sign with three pointed arrows, all suggesting a way forward. Baffled, I stand in this desolate space, akin to wasteland, and while I kick around the dusty earth beneath me, the deadline silently hums away, building pressure and giving away time.
At present, I’m sitting under the arrow marked procrastination. Even though it does not advertise luxurious rewards or relief retreats it definitely has its advantages. The arrow crookedly points down giving off the relax vibe, beckoning me to unwind. It has the seductive drive of ‘fantasyland’, the place where rational can park and daydream take the wheel.
Notorious for dirty talk, it whispers old ‘to do’ lists in my ear, with such a suggestive drawl, before I know it I’m pairing odd socks. Like a euphoric drug, it fools me into feeling hyper proactive, but then slaps me back into the present reminding me comedowns a bitch.
Although procrastination leaves me with a completed drawer of coupled socks, all spooning like polyamorists, it does not drown out the ticking deadline, just reignites the time bomb to take lead in procrastinations swift departure.
Back at the crossroads, neither terminal floats my boat nor fuels my desire.
If I head south, I turn away from my future goal and no doubt feel failed in my journey thus far. The long walk back will only leave me to mull over wasted opportunity. Having travelled with this companion before, I remember its lack of direction only led me feeling lost and confused, and wishing I took the high road all along.
I’m reminded that whilst I can’t turn around at the first sign of trouble, I can’t deny what’s staggering me either.
Reality bites, and in true form leaves a bloodied stain. Neither painful nor unbearable, its venom is to weak an excuse to not pull up my socks, suck it up and go forward.
Once I walk past the crossroads and follow the path ahead, I realise the time wasted at the interim was time momentous in deciding the way onward. I choose now to see crossroads not as a set back but a step forward and failed trails a vital mistake. If I draw out the beauty in my imperfections I can highlight the lessons I receive, and continue to build on the person I strive to become
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